Extremists storm Offices
By Liquid-X, Lazarusworld Associated Press and the letter G
Minneapolis- A crisis arose thursday evening when a group of Christian Extremists stormed the offices of General Mills and took several people hostage. The group, known as the Cross Crusaders, had taken issue over the motto of General Mills cereal "Lucky Charms". According to a statement issued by the group, they claimed that General Mills was using the motto "They are magically delicious!" to promote Satanism and Witchcraft among the youth of America.
"Naturally, this kind of evil corrupting influence cannot be tolerated as it continues to contribute to the moral decline of our youths!", said the groups Spokesman and ringleader, who would only identify himself by the codename "Not J. Falwell". "The only reasonable response to such acts of moral indeceny and social irresponsibility is swift, tom and jerry style sensless violence!". "Not J. Falwell" continued, stating, "Our demands are simple. We demand a change to the motto, the removal of the color purple from any and all General Mills products, and the deportation of Hillary Duff. Should our demands not be met, we will force our hostages to watch a marathon of Barney the Dinosaur and Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman!"
Although none of the hostages have been hurt, several dolls of The Count from Sesame Street were tossed into a bonfire under charges that it promotes Vampirism, as well as several boxes of the game Half-Life 2, under charges that it promotes pushing around crates.
Posted by Liquid-X at November 19, 2004 03:20 PM